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13th November 2009
09:34 pm - Long autumn.
Jacket unzipped and without a scarf, I step into the dark afternoon of November, anticipating the bite of the cold. Instead, the air is disappointingly warm. A gentle coolness rest against my skin with frustrating tenderness. A light wind fondles with the fallen leaves. The road glistens with the freshly-fallen rain, bright lights are spilt across the wet concrete like watercolour.
Autumn is kind to London this year.
Current Music: Good Enough - Evanescence
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9th November 2009
8th November 2009
2nd November 2009
09:51 pm - I love you. Just kidding.
There is a little truth behind every 'just kidding'.
There is a little knowledge behind every 'I don't know'.
There is a little concern behind every 'never mind'.
There is a little lie behind every 'I love you'.
(Also, I realise I probably should stop blogging about love and just blog about sex instead.)
Current Music: Kind & Generous - Natalie Merchant
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31st October 2009
02:59 pm - 唉, 爱
"有一种幸福是有一个能让你不顾一切去爱他一辈子的人。"
忽然发现这句前几天让我感动震撼荡气回肠了好一阵子的话其实蛮深奥。也就是说，这句话含义模糊，定义不清，逻辑上又有点问题，最终解释权由个人，致使人人都能产生共鸣，导致读者感情泛滥。
不顾一切代表着愿意无条件接受一切未知的风险。无论从性格上来说，还是生理上来说，人都很难被列为一个稳固的个体。人格的稳定性与可变性向来是心理学中一个富有争议的主题，而正常新陈代谢促使人体里的细胞日夜更变。“一切”包含了所爱的他或她将来一切生理，心理与人格上有可能产生的变动与其它的不确定因素吗？要知道，一辈子是很长很长的时间。
若是，那当十年前的他或她在十年后判若两人，那是否应该执着？ 若是，那么你所爱的在十年前于十年后，究竟是不是同一个人？若有朝一日发现爱人变得陌生，而还是不顾一切地继续爱这个似乎熟悉的陌生人的话，那这种爱是不是太泛滥，太飘渺？
以永恒来包容无常：很浪漫，很愚蠢，很玄，很禅。爱是应该如此，但人类真的无法做到无条件，不顾一切的爱。即使可以，也只是一时，不是一辈子。
但＇以永恒来包容无常＇，可以用来当作一个挺酷的座右铭。
Current Music: Dub Driving - Angelo Badalamenti
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17th October 2009
10:45 am - 好怕这是真的，更怕这不是真的
有一种幸福是有一个能让你不顾一切去爱他一辈子的人。
Current Music: 我愿意 - 王菲
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13th October 2009
08:40 pm - I love you, in all my drunken stupor
Broadly paraphrased: "My fear of commitment is not because of hurt, or anything similarly melodramatic, but because of a fear of those exhausting, drawn-out arguments over meaningless minutiae."
And I thought none of these was my fucking problem. But it still stimulated my instinct to be numbed. Every single time that I say I love you it hurts like hell. Every single time.
Current Music: 寂寞在唱歌 - 阿桑
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11th October 2009
06:39 pm
“You take a born-pretty girl and you dress her up in pretty things, curl her pretty hair and she becomes empty. Vacuous. The only thing she can claim as a self identity is her one dimensional beauty. But take a pretty girl and throw some shit on her, and make her fight her way out of it and she’ll grow to be other-worldly radiant and a force to be reckoned with.”
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10:00 am - Dream
Last night I dreamt of seeing my mom with shoulder-length bobbed hair, youthful and sweet like I had always idealised her to be - intead of someone whom I cannot talk to and who refuses to talk to me like she is now - I ran to her, hugged her and cried.
I suppose I have disappointed her as much as she has disappointed me.
P.S. Rather too often the songs I randomly have playing take on a deeper significance in the context of a blog entry. Rather uncanny.
Current Music: Would I Lie To You - Charles & Eddie
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7th October 2009
10:12 am
"When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger."
— W. Somerset Maugham, The Moon and Sixpence
Current Music: Gone With The Madness - Sophie Zelmani
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6th October 2009
10:17 am - 孤独地共存
阴天。小雨。气温19摄氏度。
我今日没有课。
我坐在家里，听着雨声参杂的音乐，等电话的SIM卡寄到。没有固定电话号码使我觉得自己有缺憾。
Nicole刚醒，简便地同我道了声早安。喜欢有这种没有索求，无需互娱的熟人的陪伴。我们孤独地共存，保持着距离的美感。
学生生涯，应有更多如此简单的愉快。
Current Music: Afternoon Breaks - Parov Stelar
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1st October 2009
09:24 pm - 徘徊
心情不好时，她会一人在点满蜡烛的房间里喝酒。那晚，她对着光影飘逸的墙半醉半醒地向我诉说着故事的结尾。他对她说，她的确是最最漂亮的，但是女人漂亮就这么三五年，光是漂亮又不能过日子。她太任性，他不愿再陪她一起任性了。他选择了平淡。她又那么不甘平淡。
我只觉得她好无聊。但又不忍心告诉她，我其实也不想陪她任性了。道路毕竟是自己选的，走的。
Current Music: 转机 - 潘玮柏
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26th September 2009
11:51 am
Like a star upon the skies of my mind you are always too faint, too far, and too cold. But you are also the only comfort when the darkness comes.
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10:59 am - 我们的故事
X为了同新欢A出门不让妈妈知道而撒谎说是同无关紧要的白开水B出门，后来妈妈发现J骗她后就马上自以为精明地咬定J是同她不认可的C出门了，于是对X十分不满。无奈妈妈曾经气头上时开口发誓不管X交友的事，不能正面教训X，便开始指桑骂槐，话中有话；句句带刺，念念不休。
其实C也在对X不满，因为X已经与自己生疏，常常找借口说没空出门，也对C送来的简讯爱理不理。 只有X的妈妈一人还一厢情愿地认定X对C死不忘怀。老实说，这也不能完全怪X的妈妈，因为在妈妈还没有那么不喜欢C的时候，X不止一次借用C的名义同各类妈妈不赞同的人物约会。
而那天X假扮约了白开水B而其实是同A出门时，还不小心撞上了C，弄得十分尴尬。为了这种种，X觉得头变得好大。
一篇小说，就这么开始。
Current Music: More Than A Love Song - Augustana
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19th September 2009
10:06 pm - Brilliantly British
There is no words for this, but OMG, SHOES.
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02:29 pm - Tricky.
Love is not the start of a relationship, neither is hate the end of it. Rather, relationships start with mutual interest, and end with indifference on either side.
What you like can define you as a person, as much as what you do not like.
I liked you before, and then I didn’t like you so much anymore. I do not know how much I will like you in the future.
But you are always part of the definition of me.
Current Music: Out of the Sky, Into the Sea - Lauren Hoffman
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13th September 2009
06:44 pm - It's an idea
Current Music: Make-up - Amanda Blank
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12th September 2009
04:41 pm - Cruise
Someone reminded me today that we're all sitting on a giant piece of rock floating through space.
I'd like all my relationships to be like that between the earth and the sun - not too close, not too far, but just enough to keep me in orbit.
I need to see the sea more often.
Current Music: A Love Song - Amanda Blank
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10th September 2009
07:46 pm - 叙
昨晚没睡好，今天一天效率极低。加上两个本来以为很谈得来的朋友不知怎的，忽然变得很无聊，很白痴，所以心情很糟。
下班后郁闷地走上巴士，随便在窗前一站。两分钟后，身边的人忽然神经质地笑了起来。我这时才正眼看了这位中年男子，赫然发现他好像有点弱智，有点像疯子 - 我超怕疯子。又转过脸来，看看其他人有什么反应，结果看到大多数人都眼神痴呆，或在打盹。又发现，右边是个红发绿眼的外国人。那老外好像知道那人有问题，有好像不知道那人有问题。不过我并没来的及追究他是否知情而假装糊涂，因为当时车刚好到了站。他对我龇牙一笑，接着下车了。这一切同我耳机里那嘶声歌唱的女音构成强烈的反差。一瞬间，生活如此虚幻滑稽。
路上又见到有人遛狗，心想：有只又大又帅的狗多好，想一个人大哭一场时，也可以抱着狗哭，不再孤独。
Current Music: I Hate This Part - Pussycat Dolls.
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6th September 2009
05:07 pm - 惟有无言
看着正沾沾自喜地吃着在 Bakerzin 买到的杏仁小圆饼的你，先前还在抱怨厌倦了 Laduree 的我真的不明白，这世界到底是怎么了？
再怎么也能活下去，再怎么也能不满足， 一切无非是玩心态平衡的杂技。只是，心态这东西又谈何容易掌握，平衡的点位又谈何容易拿捏？何况能够控制，不代表愿意去控制。只想，再来再来，更多更多。
生活短苦，我还是先吃甜品吧。
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thinslices's journal
